Creepy-Crawlies.

I think my house is a vortex that attracts the most disgusting creatures on the planet.

Part I: RACCOONS.

I have a large dog, and he goes through a substantial amount of food. Therefore, we purchase our dog food in enormous amounts. I'm not sure if anyone else has this problem, but storage of said dog food can be kind of an issue, especially when you live in a fairly small home. So, we purchased a fantastically large Tupperware container with a flip top, and kept it in the garage.

Anyways, we noticed that something kept knocking this thing over in the night to eat the dog food inside. One night, after hearing the loud crash, my husband went to check out the situation and found a very brave raccoon in the middle of all this dog food, only momentarily disturbed by my husband's presence. He went back to his meal shortly after noticing Dave walk in. The Tupperware is now kept incoonveniently in my kitchen.

Part II: SNAILS.

Yes, I recognize that snails are hardly menacing. However, when you live in what's referred to as the "Snail Neighborhood," you start to become a little volatile.

Step 1: Try to grow a front garden.
Step 2: Watch your garden get torn to shreds by snails.
Step 3: Cover your garden in snail killer.
Step 4: Discover the disgusting aftermath of hundreds of snail carcasses rotting in your front garden the next morning.
Step 5: Repeat.

Part III: RATS.

That's right. Rats. I'm so horrified by this thought, I don't even know what to do with myself.

It goes without saying that we have tried to get rid of these rats with poison, but it has seriously backfired on us because now (in this extremely warm weather), we can smell them. You know, the ones who have kicked the bucket. But we can't find them to dispose.

Plus, I can still hear something walking around on my roof, so now I'm afraid we've just pissed them off.

Part IV, a Prelude: ROACHES.

I know this is coming. We found one, dead, in our living room today. I have no idea how it got in, I just know I am horrified. I know if there's one, there's a million.

Afterthoughts: What have we done to deserve this? We are reasonably clean people! We aren't perfect, but we take pretty good care of our home. Are we sitting on the gates to hell?